More Stupid Rambling...

I have no idea where I am in my life.
In my friends, no matter what group of them, I am the outcast.
In my family, everyone judges me, maybe they love me, but it sucks being judged.
I want to help the poor.
I need a job and a car.
I want someone to care about me the way I care about them.
I guess I need someone as serious as I am.
I assume I'm a high maintenance Boyfriend, whenever it is that I do get the title, "Boyfriend"

ugh.
I'm so sick of being alone.
and everyone tells me that, "Koda, you'll find the girl, just wait for her."
ITS THE SAME THING AS LOOKING AT BOLOGNA AND CHEESE, MUSTARD, AND BREAD AND WAITING FOR IT TO MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF ITSELF!

I'm so sick of that reply when I say stuff like this.
UGH!!!!

Around the grapevine.

It's been a while.
But I've felt it for so long.
and now that it's a possibility,
I'm too scared to approach the situation.
It's just another one of those, age stops everything situations.
and I'm a pansy.
because you're a little older than me.
haha, darn.

on a plus side,
Drumline was decent, I am so worn out!!!
Then Pacific Citchen was great...
yeah, we call it Citchen...
haha it was a wonderful spelling error!

hmmm.....
what else to say?
who knows.
haha
well thanks for reading!!!

Where are we?

There are so many things going through my head on a regular basis.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Who is She?
Who will She be?
What kind of a Man will I become?
Will I graduate on time?
When will my mother stop treating me like a child?
When will I forgive?
How come they are so popular?
How come they have money and I don't?
Why do I struggle so much with females?
Why does every "Perfection" have its torturing effect?
Why do I try so hard?
Do I try hard enough?
Why does age limit my whole life?
Why do we hate so much?
Should I be vegetarian?
Why do I weigh 200+ pounds?
Will I ever get over my fathers death?
Why don't they care?
When will I stop pretending to be "cool"?
When will I be satisfied with myself?
When will I get married?
Will I have children?
How come the right girls want the wrong guys?
How come the ones I want are taken?
Where will I find myself?
Why Can't I help EVERYONE?

I think about these things so much.
Each and every moment of every day, that I am awake, questions like these storm my mind.
Questions flood my brain for some reason...
I wish people would stop holding me back because they think I'm not strong enough, not good enough, not smart enough or not old enough.
I hate when people underestimate me!
and I hate feeling like I have to prove something to the world.
People don't get it.
Maybe I shouldn't care at all,
But I do.

Maybe I'm meant to experience heartache?
Maybe I am supposed to have cheating girlfriends to make me stronger?
Maybe.
But that's not what I want.
I try my best to be the respectable,
loving,
happy,
outgoing boy for girls.
I try to be the best that I can be,
I refrain from sexual bullcrap.
I never cheat nor do I feel a reason to.
I don't have a reason to make a girl feel bad.
I Mess up, I worry that I'm not good enough constantly.
I want a girl who will understand me,
Like me for me, because that's all I have,
A girl who knows and gets along with me and my friends.

I Hate age, just because I happen to be 16 years old, I'm not good enough.
I'm immature, I don't know how I really feel and that's bullshit.
Because I do know how I feel, and I can explain it in great detail even.
Maybe I am Young but don't judge me till you really know if I'm Immature or not.
Thanks!
we all make stupid immature jokes from time to time.

I don't like girls in my grade, never really have, Don't think I ever will.
To be honest I'm in to Older Girls,
Point Blank.
and because I'm 16, I have no option.
No older girl wants a younger Boy.

It's been so long since I've been on this blog,
sorry to blow up all of a sudden.
Just givin ya something to read.

also check out my other blog at:
http://thisclockticks.blogspot.com

its my poems and whatever.

Thanks Guys and Gals!
-Koda

And Just When We Thought We Were Safe...

America rips off Our heads and takes a massive ozone covered dump in our throats.

LaDeDa...
the end.

Living In My Own Little Whatever

I am pretty sure,
most of everything i say has no point.
so with that said....
Wiggle Diggle Do How The Freak Are You?

ha...

But seriously, im tired of getting stepped on by females...
i try so hard to be with someone then the stab me in the testicles.
I cant take it anymore, they're starting to look like hamburger...
Female Race stop leading me on!

I found out that i have friends i might move in with, well, we talked about it.
i hope it actually happens, that would be so cool.
though i say that now, things could change. hope not though.

Myspace sucks,
Twitter is only good for BLOWING ME!
Aim slobs knob,
facebook is the stuff.
and so is blogger.


the picture at the top is, YES, my puppy Ellie :)
she's a little bigger now.


The End.

Hey ladies drop it down Just want to see you touch the ground Don't be shy girl go Bananza Shake ya body like a belly dancer

You Had My Trust

But You Lost It All.

Thanks.

AS OF NOW!

I will no longer Post Poetry on this blog....
so for any of you following me on here for my poems, i highly encourage you to add my new blog.

http://thisclockticks.blogspot.com/

Thanks.
Much Love.
-Koda

Breathe For Blindness

I'll stop My Breath,
As if Breathlessness,
could pay dues to My regrets,
Hold nothing over my head,
And free me from the grip of Debt.

Maybe taking a leap,
would allow me some sleep,
as if sleeping could save me,
from a world of low self esteem.

I'd blind myself with nails,
as if being blind could hide the ugly,
The Ugly people,
not physical,
but inside,
People act as if Self worth is a hate crime.

I would take my legs,
and give them to you,
because you just wouldn't fit comfortably within my shoes,
long enough to see,
That love will just have to Be.

And Lastly I'll rip out my heart,
and throw it away,
"It's better",
Or so they say.

Breathing isn't for me,
leaping just to see,
That blindness would bloom perfectly,
in a crippled boy who lacks two feet,
who gives his heart just to be free.

He died from defeat.



tell me what you think.

My Mind

Don't waste time,
Searching my mind,
You can't even fathom,
The things you might find.

You'd see things like,
Elephants acting out World War Two,
The Poor Old Lady cleaning her shoe,
You'd see purple alligators,
And giraffes of an off color blue.

You'd hear sounds never made,
The cricket parade,
The symphony of the deaf,
Let their pens be the music,
and silence the rest.

Sleep would be no option,
If Trotting through my mind,
Because there just wont be enough time,
to calculate all the things that you might find.

You'd see a broken room of mirrors,
we'll stay out of that one,
as for the hokie pokie clocks,
they make jokes... just for fun.

When you see Dr.Seuss' Sam I Am,
Tell him to leave,
hes not welcome in this land!

In my head,
there is no magic light bulb,
Only candles burning grey-ish purplie red.

Don't tell anyone of the things that you have seen,
we'll hold this little secret,
between you and me,
oh the millions of thoughts that i think,
that you could possibly see.




Feedback is welcomed :)

I Miss You

If screaming "I-Miss-You"
could make you appear right in front of me,
Then you'd better believe,
that my lungs would be straining.

I want you to be a reoccurring dream,
Because the way you looked at me,
puts me in a state of well being.

If writing a poem could make you love me,
then leave me alone for five days,
I would write the rest of our lives.

Trust that i have the ideas in my head,
to write out our stories till the day that I'm dead,
But as you can see,
story books just aren't for me.

In any amount of thought that i can produce,
I'll write it all down,
Your mind I'll abuse.

I'll put your lips to use,
just not when you refuse,
because this is all the result of,
"I-Miss-You"



WOWOWOWOW....
hope you like thiis'n

They Cant Be

They cant be,
Three little words that could,
Slit your throat in a matter of seconds,
Make you feel like ships among wreckage.

The ship being my heart,
The numerous times Ive screwed up would be the wreckage,
The fleeting smell of rotten intentions lofting on my lungs,
Would come side by side with apologies,
Built like a ladder's rungs.

I wish Things could be the same as they once were,
You say, "They-Cant-Be"
Then i die because, "That-Killed-Me"

When i think about past talks and times,
I get sick of trying to make up pathetic rhymes,
To fix a broken friendship from behind enemy lines.

But the words, "They-Cant-Be"
Hit me in the face like the bat that mark mcguire,
Hit his last homerun with...

I feel that my heart has burst,
Because i feel there are things you just cannot see,
The fact that i was sincere in my apology,
It wasnt about luck and it wasnt about me,
It was about genuine sincerity and the fact that i am sorry...

But things getting back to normal?
They-Cant-Be

Finger Muscles

When I write poetry about love,
it's like my hearts saying, "here, I'm gonna flex these for you"
knowing what I think, I think love is true.
True, I haven't found you but when I do...
when I do my fingers will be flexing, "I Love You"
I love you like seventy percent of Americans,
who take freedom for granted.
I Know I'm young but my feet are planted.

I'll see you around,
half way around the globe,
or it better seem so,
because I'm done,
done like the thousands of whores across the world,
chasing false hope,
like the drug users that are hurdling over police tape,
with outstretched arms starving for the next high.

High, like up on the ledge that I would throw myself from,
only if I was a lemming searching for your love,
the wind in my face,
I'm falling from above,

Above, kind of like the "state -your-name-above" section in the prenuptial agreement form that so many people flex their fingers for...
I'd say that as soon as you state your name;
their goes our love, flailing and suffocating on the
cold.
dead.
floor.

But in wanting you more,
greed has smacked me in the mouth,
and ripped my eyes from within the sockets they should be withheld,
only knowing that your "Love" rings a silent bell.
singing me sweet tunes of muscle flexing,
I Love You's.



I Love Me Some Comments :)
Tell me how you feel.

I Am Weak

I stare into this mirror,
Staring back into empty visions of a lost soul who tries too hard,
Trying to find something that most of creation calls Love.
This feeling of rejection eats at my heart like the way a lion eats away the flesh of some animal too weak to defend itself,
I'm Dead.
Standing up is nearly impossible when the weight of every screw up and every flaw is battering my ribs like the thousands of dead bodies across the world who's captured underneath crumbling buildings Too weak to stand.
Forcing myself to blink is a skill worth losing because blinking isn't any good if everytime I open my eyes I'm looking at a boy too cold hearted to speak.
What's the use in words when words have been my enemy from the start,
Telling me that mirrors lie,
this ones pretty true,
and in any truth that I'll ever find is that this little boy has the weakest mind, because his eyes are too blind to see what his ears have already heard,
only to screw up every single word that he's ever spoke.
Regaining my conscience,
I step away from that mirror,
Running is the only choice I have,
Having no recollection of anything good, it's all bad.
I am weak.

See Through My Eyes

My new found grip on reality states that,
My words buzz like mosquitoes,
Going for your ear drum as if armies were camping there.

My heart is like a stray cat,
Maybe lovely on the inside,
But nobody takes the time to see,
What the dirt and grime may hide.

My brains are like a basket,
Filled with useless things,
Maybe a death, to put it to rest,
Maybe jewels from sons of kings.

Silly people say silly things,
Nobody cares that shes dead,
All of these useless thoughts,
Are general makeup of what i see in my head.

My eyes are like lonely pools of blue paint,
The more I grow up,
The more they grow faint.

My feet are like platforms frozen solid with ease,
Maybe they were built of my heart,
With winds that could make them freeze.

My ribs on the surface are clean,
But deep below they hold secrets,
That some just couldn't believe.

My name is Dakotah,
And this is how i see,
Mentally, I see things that you cant even dream,
But my name is Dakotah,
Too bad I'm only human being.



This is the newest...
hope you like it.

"i would not come as a thief to steal your heart, but as a scientist to clone it so that we could share, and i would also come baring gifts, one of which would be the clone to my heart. just for you." -Me